The power of trouble!

God made woman to be strong internally. And he made sure he would keep testing this strength time and again, with each blow her becoming stronger and resilient. When I spoke to my clients today (strangely all of them belonged to the ‘weaker sex’), I got the impression that but for women, troubles would bolt from the face of this earth! I mean, they are found to be balancing relationships, work and personal lives, turbulent adolescent childhood of their off-springs, and to top it all, they also surface with unfulfilled desires which have been given a cold shelf in their lives simply because they are no longer important.
Where does she get this resilient nature from? Is it from her biological leanings of taking care, nurturing instincts? Or is it primarily a need to be needed that is being met? And how does she know that she is not really the problem-solver, only a prop to support the person who is feeling down and out? And howmuch ever she is going through, the moment she finds she is needed, she is able to put her own baggage aside and be available to the one with the greater need…
Being a practicing counselor, the primary demand on me is to be a listener. Today was a particularly taxing day, with very low energy levels, and a whole lot of issues that I was grappling with. I think I also looked loaded, because not one I met at my workplace passed me without commenting on how low and burdened I looked. I tried to make light of it, blaming it on the unloading that was happening and that was natural in my profession, but I knew I failed to pull wool over their eyes. It showed; it showed that I was reaching the end of my tether and I needed respite. But somehow, when I reached my room and sat at my table, and I started my appointments, I realized I could disconnect from myself and attend to the emotional unburdening of my clients. In my profession particularly, it is so important that we are unbiased, and in a calm frame of mind, to prevent subjectivity entering our conclusions. If we are at war with the world, how would we sound convincing when we talk to our clients? And there I was able to do justice to my profession, but I feel it was more because I was a woman, than the fact that I was a counselor. The woman in me, who reaches out the one in pain, in suffering, and who wants to say: I understand your pain; I empathise with whatever you are going through.
I am not in any position different from what I was in the morning; but I feel more in control of myself. I feel strengthened, when I saw the strength pouring out and being received gratefully. I also do not know whether my clients felt empowered, but I felt more in command of myself when I walked out of my consulting room…
Mohana Narayanan
August 11,2010

Roller coaster rides!

Roller coaster rides
I wonder why people deliberately choose to go on a roller coaster! If you ask me, life offers enough roller coaster rides! I wish I could go on a passenger train, which chugs along at a steady, sedentary speed, stops at every station where you have sleepy porters and little urchins running after you for a tip or leftover food. Instead, here I am travelling at breakneck speed, alert 24x7, as I am the person behind the steering wheel of a fast-moving locomotive, which is shooting through a dark tunnel, which never seems to end and also, one is not really sure what is actually there at the end of the tunnel!
I have been on this journey for almost seven years now, when my family started to go through turbulent times. The turbulence would rock me time and again and I would swim against the tide, gasp when I seemed to go underwater, but surface again, refusing to give in. Each time however, the currents came on stronger and stronger and each time, I would think it was the last time before I would go under.
It is not that I claim to be a very strong person or anything. Just that resilience does come to me naturally and I am a fighter. But of late, I have found the fighting spirit giving way to acceptance. Is that what it is all about I wonder? That I need to accept that these squalls as part of my life and understand that I am attracting the contraindicative factors in my life because I am a seasoned fighter? If that is so, then I also need to know whether it is okay not to fight, so that I do no attract this energy anymore.
I need to understand perhaps that even though I feel I am running standing in the same place, I need to refuse to entertain doubt. I need to tell myself that this too shall pass, and that there would come a day when I would not be getting up, wondering what news the day has in store for me; whether I am going to sail through, or sink…
Mohana narayanan
August 9, 2010