The innate good nature of man...

I was leaving on my yearly holiday and was flying to Delhi. I prefer to take the train when on holidays, for I find it gives me more time to relax, read, listen to music and generally chill out. But time constraint forced me to take the flight, and during the security check, when I passed my hand bag through the x-ray machine, I discovered that I had not removed the Swiss knife that I generally carry with me on travel.
They removed the knife and asked me to proceed, but I wanted to know if there was any way I could carry the knife with me. It was wrong, I know to make such an unreasonable demand, but I was in love with that knife; it held very sentimental memories. There was no way I could put it in my baggage as I had already checked it in. My family stood about ten feet away from me, embarrassed by my pleadings! Finally, one of the officers offered to retain it with him, and said I could try and collect it from him on our return trip, a week later. I was skeptical but I left the knife with my identity details, and took his phone number. He said I could call him when I was coming back, and if he happened to be on duty, I could collect it from him.
As luck could have it, he was not on duty; calls to his mobile went unanswered. I came to the natural human conclusion: well, he has got a free swiss knife for himself!
I was then pleasantly surprised, when a week later, he called me and apologized for not returning my call, as he had been called away on a training programme and he had to leave suddenly. Before I could say anything else, he asked me to message my address, saying he would deliver it to my residence. Even though I gave my address, some corner of my mind was still skeptical; but promptly an hour later, my phone rang; I am waiting outside your apartment: could you come and collect your Swiss knife, he said.
He returned the knife, refused my offer of even a cup of tea saying he had to report for duty. He touched my life for a brief period of time, maybe just to give me a message to continue trusting people: all are not of the same mould. That there are people like him, Rawat (yes that was his name, and he belonged to the CISF) who restore faith in the innate goodness of man.
Like T N Seshan said, I do not want to be honored with a medal for honesty and integrity; these are basic human qualities, and one should practice them as one does practice breathing: naturally. Yes, but I am thankful to this anonymous friend of mine, who, through a simple deed restored my faith in the principle that Carl Rogers advocated: Man is inherently good by nature.
Mohana Narayanan

The tolerant world

What is it with people who think that they are doing you the greatest of favours, if they somehow prove that they have been handling a very ‘difficult’ person (in you) and that because of that, you are supposed to be eternally grateful to them because of that? I know, for example, this person, who is a very self-made woman. She is very assertive, and it takes a lot of her to not let somebody see that she tolerates breaking of certain basic values by other people. What other people would call as ‘social’ behaviour and etiquette would come with great difficulty for her. Not that she was rude or arrogant or any such thing. It is just that she comes across as exuding power, with a no-nonsense attitude, and is very assertive; and if there is one thing she is not able to forgive, it is charade. No wonder, she finds it so difficult to live amongst the social beings of today! She is gregarious by nature, very helpful, very empathetic, and also very social and fun-loving. Couple this with people’s opinion of her as a ‘difficult’ personality, who cannot tolerate people taking her for a ride, when people try to two-time her, when she is asked to bend backwards and ignore pretenses in society and relationships. Her forthrightness is mistaken for being insensitive. Her assertive, no-nonsense attitude is taken for arrogance. You sure have a split personality in the making I think!
The sad part is, it was okay if the whole world thought of her this way. But people who formed the inner core of her social circle make remarks of how grateful she should be because she has such ‘understanding’ people as her friends, who tolerate her.
If one has to think about how grateful one needs to be to people in his life, simply because he is being ‘tolerated,’ then that does not speak very well for the depth of the relationship isn’t it? So, do all relationships exist and survive only on forbearance? Or isn’t acceptance a more stable ground to base the relationship on? In such cases, there is no feeling of gratitude for being tolerated; you are simply accepted as you are with all your fun and faults, without being burdened by the knowledge that much as you are liked, loved and appreciated, there is still that thin line which stops people from loving you completely, without criticizing you behind your back, or maybe attempt to change you subtly. It is very difficult, I know to reach that state in a relationship. If one has, do let me know???
Mohana narayanan
July 4, 2010