The tolerant world

What is it with people who think that they are doing you the greatest of favours, if they somehow prove that they have been handling a very ‘difficult’ person (in you) and that because of that, you are supposed to be eternally grateful to them because of that? I know, for example, this person, who is a very self-made woman. She is very assertive, and it takes a lot of her to not let somebody see that she tolerates breaking of certain basic values by other people. What other people would call as ‘social’ behaviour and etiquette would come with great difficulty for her. Not that she was rude or arrogant or any such thing. It is just that she comes across as exuding power, with a no-nonsense attitude, and is very assertive; and if there is one thing she is not able to forgive, it is charade. No wonder, she finds it so difficult to live amongst the social beings of today! She is gregarious by nature, very helpful, very empathetic, and also very social and fun-loving. Couple this with people’s opinion of her as a ‘difficult’ personality, who cannot tolerate people taking her for a ride, when people try to two-time her, when she is asked to bend backwards and ignore pretenses in society and relationships. Her forthrightness is mistaken for being insensitive. Her assertive, no-nonsense attitude is taken for arrogance. You sure have a split personality in the making I think!
The sad part is, it was okay if the whole world thought of her this way. But people who formed the inner core of her social circle make remarks of how grateful she should be because she has such ‘understanding’ people as her friends, who tolerate her.
If one has to think about how grateful one needs to be to people in his life, simply because he is being ‘tolerated,’ then that does not speak very well for the depth of the relationship isn’t it? So, do all relationships exist and survive only on forbearance? Or isn’t acceptance a more stable ground to base the relationship on? In such cases, there is no feeling of gratitude for being tolerated; you are simply accepted as you are with all your fun and faults, without being burdened by the knowledge that much as you are liked, loved and appreciated, there is still that thin line which stops people from loving you completely, without criticizing you behind your back, or maybe attempt to change you subtly. It is very difficult, I know to reach that state in a relationship. If one has, do let me know???
Mohana narayanan
July 4, 2010