A friend of mine asked me the other day whether I had seen an advertisement for a cooking oil, which showed the housewife having visions of her husband collapsing because of a heart problem; It becomes the deciding factor for her to choose the oil being advertised, which claimed to do away with cholesterol, plaque formation etc.
The USP of the advertisement is not the subject of rumination here. Why it that there is no cooking oil advertisements, which show the housewife getting a heart attack, and then she deciding that her life is very important, and thus makes that the reason for choosing a brand? If she buys a particular brand of aata, or say even salt, it is for her children; if it is cooking oil, it is for her husband. Where does she figure in all this?
Forget the advertisement agencies, I have seen men, who declare that they cannot eat a certain item, or smoke too much as ‘the wife would object’. Or, worse, he would grudgingly go to the gym or do his workout, simply because he would have to face his wife otherwise! Well, if they behave like kids, no wonder the wives have to treat them like one!
How sold are we on the age old notion that a woman comes last in her list of priorities, and decision making factors! Is it because the advertisements are cashing in on her naturally nurturing tendencies to sell their product? If so, where does this natural urge go when it comes to looking after herself? How come she does not take care of her physical and emotional well-being?
The naturally servile home-makers are up from dawn to dusk, catering to the whims and fancies of all the individuals in the household, and later when she comes to bed, she finds the son pummeling the father’s back. (Yet another advertisement!) Immediately, she jumps up, offering to rub his back for him. The husband likes it, and lets her do it; because it has been drilled into her psyche to be like that.
My friend, a postgraduate in physics, is the pillar of her household; because if she is sick even for a day, the whole well-oiled household comes to a standstill. Breakfast does not reach the table on time; The washing machine does not beep; (why even the servant does not turn up!) The meals have to be done in a particular way, no short-cuts there, and the dishes have to vary. There are no allowances for changing times, and I was surprised she at least had an electric grinder. But then, she was allowing all this to happen; the only outlet was her occasional outbursts when she would call me, and then, taking advantage of her state of mind, I would urge her to set aside just a couple of hours which would belong to her and her alone.
I finally succeeded, when I was able to coax her to come with me to read for the blind twice a week. The first day she came, she had to make sure everything was on the table for all the members of the family. I was wondering whether she would come for the next session, for only when she went home would she have found out how they managed without her for a couple of hours!!
It was a small victory for me when I saw her waiting for me at the end of the road today, ready to go for the session! She had decided that she could take that couple of hours off from the family, just for herself – she was important enough in her life for that…
“I felt so nice the whole of that evening, I decided come what may, I am going to continue” she said, as she sat on the scooter behind me.
I wish more women would start thinking this way. It is never too late – never too late to stop making bajjis for fussy children, fresh coffee from just prepared coffee decoction for bored in-laws, healthy snacks for nitpicking husbands, and decide that they can have sometime that belongs only to them. And choose to do something that is emotionally satisfying, and fulfilling, rather than simply daily chores. I wish more women would decide that they are important in this world, and the space that they occupy belongs to them – and that they have every right to be there.
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