The day of prevention of child sexual abuse came and went. We had lectures, demonstrations, and awareness programmes, which hopefully will help public to prevent child abuse.
Just two days after ‘celebrating’ this day, i had to handle a child who has had a very complicated parenting, and is undergoing a lot of emotional issues. The child was brought up by surrogate parents, and she was the daughter of the father’s sister. This fact was revealed to her when she was around ten years of age, and she was just assimilating this fact, when this surrogate mother conceived, and delivered a child. Meanwhile, on the pretext that this girl was not behaving properly and also that the mother had her hands full with the second child, she was packed off to be with her aunt in the city. This aunt, though very affectionate, was not able to emotionally support the child.
The final straw came when the husband of this aunt tried to paw the child and hounded her with his unwanted attentions. This 13-year-old adolescent had her cup of trauma full. She was not performing well academically, and on this issue, the aunt came to see me with the child. The child kept insisting that she wanted to go back to her parents, but the aunt managed to convince her to stay on and study in the city. When the child walked into my consultation room, she seemed full of woe. The aunt gave me the background, omitting the vital facts of the unwanted attention that was being paid to the girl by her husband (Yes, she was aware of the fact! The girl had told her and apparently, since he denied the whole thing, it suited her to believe his version). She wanted me to convince the girl to study well, give her study skills, and make sure that the girl settles down. According to her, all that was wrong was that her husband was a person who was very strict since he was in the police force.
The child was broken, traumatised and urging to go back to her hometown. I sent for the parents. I called the child in, and made her tell her mother what was happening. The mother looked suitably shocked, but then tells me, that she suspected it all along; he had tried this tactic even with her!
How i handled the case is not of great relevance here, though for purposes of completing the narration, i called the aunt and the mother for sessions, and convinced the mother to take the child back with her.
What kind of a parent knowingly allows her child to be in the vicinity of a man who is programmed to abuse women? Was it because this child was not hers biologically? Or is this a basic helplessness of women in our society, who are scared of voicing their protest for fear of social disapproval?
As long as we continue subjecting ourselves and our loved ones to such behind-the-screen acts, such abuses will continue. As long as we do not internalise the sheer anger and disgust at the emotional and sexual abuse that children are being subjected to, and externalise our protests vociferously, this malaise will continue to fester in our society. Can we please stop hiding behind fake walls of family honour and decency, and give children what they long for? Security?
MOHANA NARAYANAN
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