I have learned after existing in this world for almost half a century that the best way to be at peace here is to pretend that you are the sole survivor of a holocaust, and that you are alone in your existence. I am not advocating the life of Robinson Crusoe, who yearned for human company on a desolate island. I am talking about the solitude and the complete self-sufficiency that Thoreau spoke about when he wrote Walden Pond. I am talking about the attitude of being self-reliant that Emerson wrote about. We all need to realise that somewhere in our lifetimes, we need to take responsibility for our own choices, for our own decisions. We all also need to understand that if we have helping hands, then they are there not to make us dependent on them, but to simply accept the help offered gracefully, as a bonus, and not to set store any expectations by them. At any point and at any time, the withdrawal can occur; and then we may be left floundering, helpless, wondering how we would ever manage.

I think this policy would also help us handle our relationships better. Strangely, i have always handled crisis in my life on my own; not to say that i do not have friends or people who would support me in times of need. But by some strange quirk of fate, more often than not, i have found that these people have not been immediately around to help me ground myself; and for that i am grateful to them. Their unavailability, because of their other commitments, or because of them unable to explain my need to their significant others, has made me so much more capable of handling life on my own, and made me so much stronger. I am able to connect deeply with my inner strength and able to face crisis without buckling under. To an extent, i think this strength is also resented by them a little; i mean, how can i not ask for help?!

I realised how long a way i have come, when my maid today announced that she would not be able to come to work for me. I did not bat an eyelid, just told her to go ahead and suit herself. I know it is going to be tough but i refused to let that perturb me, i decided to handle things as they came along.

I also realised that i no longer needed to talk things out to people who i thought understood me; I am able to sort out issues on my own, with my inner dialogue and arrive at an equilibrium. This could have been also because in a lot of situations, i was unable to talk when i needed to: what is it that they say about necessity being the mother of invention? I found i had handled this need in me successfully, and today the lack of the shoulder to cry on no longer bothered me.

Do i sound anti-social? I assure you, i am not so. It is just that i have realised that there is so much more comfort and peace when you are able to do things on your own, without waiting for it to be done for you. There is so much less hassle if you are not waiting for the phone call that never comes, for the mail that never arrives and for the words that are suppose to erase hurts... when you do not spend your life waiting, there is more living happening.....

Mohana Narayanan

December 9,2009