Desiderata

I guess it is only natural that mankind craves for approving nods for his thoughts and actions. The social stamp of approval goes a long way in increasing one’s performance, and also his self-image, which in turn boosts his self-esteem. So it is no wonder that when, as a practicing counselor, my clients call me back to tell me that they were on the road to recovery and that the simple external and conscious measures they were following was helping them immensely, it gives me a wonderful sense of satisfaction.

As counselors we never give advice; that is left for the domain of ‘well-meaning’ friends, spouses and relatives, and why, even the shopkeeper at the end of the road! I mean, what else is available freely if not advice? (Not taxable either!) We as counselors believe in the client becoming responsible for his life and actions, and help him in coming up with suggestions for solving the issue on hand. This way, they are also responsible for the outcome. We gently prod the thought process of clients who come so wrapped up in the issues that bog them down that a dispassionate outlook and a rational line of thinking is practically impossible for them at that stage.

The questionings and the lessons of self-analysis and behavioural changes through various therapies sets them going on the road to a better life. Obviously then, no miracle happens; it is a combined journey that they take together, and the therapist and the client decide when the latter can walk on his own, without holding the hands of the counselor.

This lady who was coming for counseling sessions to me for the past six months called me this morning to find out whether she could come and meet me for five minutes. It was not a counseling session she said, she just wanted to see me. When she came, I expected her to start from a negative position, which was happening all along. However, I was in for a very pleasant surprise. She had been away for more than a month, and during this time, the fact that she was able to hold fort on her own, without breaking apart, and the fact that she was able to confront situations head-on, gave her a tremendous sense of confidence and well-being. “Maybe I never did all my homework you assigned, but I found that whenever there was a situation that I used to buckle under earlier, now I found that I was able to rationalize issues and arrive at a decision based on the actual event, and not read anything excess into it,” she said. She sounded so proud of being herself, that she had started loving herself all over again! I was glad for her: glad that a person who had initially been so full of worries, playing blame-games, unable to handle issues that were of earth-shattering magnitude to her, and one who was ready to be a door-mat rather than stand up for herself and love herself, was today able to stand in front of the mirror and tell herself: “I love myself for what I am, I respect the person that I am now, and I have a right to be here in this world!”

All of us need to realize this: I am a very important person in my life: It is not being selfish. Only if you love yourself enough, will you take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. An emotionally healthy person will live life to the full, will be happy being in a state of acceptance, and thus spread this spirit around. Imagine what the world would be like then !!!