THE VIEW FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER

I guess mankind, when he discovered the usage of coins, made two sides for it, keeping in mind the universal law, that every creation has two sides: including issues. This is very true of personality issues, where one has got to admit that any argument, confrontation, etc. is impossible without have two sides. The world thrives on the adage that every coin has two sides; I had the opportunity to view the mother-in-law daughter-in-law coin recently in this aspect.

Yeah this relationship is as old as the oldest creation; yet it has survived. For each mother-in-law there appears a daughter-in-law, a contra force. The exceptions to it not being a contra force are so few and far between, that they simply don’t seem to matter. Yet again, mostly we would find only the daughter-in-law perspective highlighted. I wonder if it is because the younger generation are more forthcoming, are more ready to open up and talk about the whole thing. They do not think that it would be a betrayal of family confidences, if they discuss their incompatibility with their mothers-in-law! Mothers-in-law are apprehensive of going public on this issue, are wary of discussing it except in closed circles. Generation gap? I don’t know.

Recently, I had the opportunity to get to see the point of view of a mother-in-law. They live in a joint family. The daughter-in-law is modern in her outlook, to the extent that she ‘does not believe in rituals, so would not light the lamp, would not celebrate her child’s first birthday in a traditional manner’. The mother-in-law, though not very traditional is hurt by such blatant denial of preserving certain family traditions. I would like to mention here that she is not a cut of the typical mother-in-law mould as an archetype of a mother-in-law exists today. She is persuing her doctorate at this age, doing voluntary service at an organization for the upliftment for the blind. Now here, I wonder where the problem arises from. The normal grouse between two individuals, who are tied together in this relationship, would have been one of modernism and traditionalism. The mother-in-law is a good mixture of both. But the daughter-in-law does not see it this way. She chooses to live life her own way, without giving in an inch, if not for tradition, at least for the fact that her mother-in-law is ready to meet her more than half-way.

I think there are no bad mothers-in-law, or no bad daughters-in-law; we need to approach this relationship too, with an open mind, and not have preconceived notions attached to it. I have a feeling this daughter-in-law must have fitted her mother-in-law into a round hole, and found to her surprise that she does not fit, but now does not know how to handle a ‘different mother-in-law’! I too had a mother-in-law who was not the one who would fit into the round hole, but fortunately for me, I did not try to fit her in, and so both of us had no major hassles, god rest her soul…