The old order changeth... or need it???

The festival of lights came and went. It lit up some relationships; it pushed some into an abyss of darkness. The spirit of joy was dampened by some incidents that left its indelible mark on the way I was greeted by some of the people I visited. I thought it is said that this festival is one where you decide to make new beginnings. I wonder whether new beginnings are possible without ending old issues; I guess not. But then I was reminded of what one friend said to me once: I read three or four books simultaneously, she said, when I asked her when I could borrow one particular book. I think that is what relationships are also about. We may have issues that have not been resolved between us, issues which may bring in pain and hurts. But that does not mean you deride the whole person do you? Is it not possible to isolate the incident from the person, to separate the deed from the doer, the behavior from the individual? The bitterness that you demonstrate when you greet is so galling, that it gives rise to further conflicts in the future. The chasm grows so much wider that at some point, the other person is so far away that the depth of the chasm is wider than the depth of the relationship. Time dulls the hurt, and then you learn to get on with life. When you have a new beginnings, the past pages of an unfinished book does not matter I guess. You choose to script the ending.
Strangely I happened to bump into another friend of mine, who, for no known reason had sent me a curt mail some months back and requested me to stop writing to her as she was very busy. It was ironic that she was busy with work that I had trained her in, but after the first couple of hours, I was happy for her. I did not allow this unresolved conflict to surface when I bumped into her today. I could see she was kind of embarrassed and did not really know how to react. But I had buried old hatchets: there was nothing left to bury actually, and I could sense no discomfort in our meeting: at least on my side. And I could see that she could relax after the first couple of minutes, and we actually conversed decently before I said goodbye.
I guess perception on human relationships vary. But hurts are like festering wounds which may reopen any time, unless we realign our belief system about relationships and learn to ring in the new, even if we do not ring out the old.