A recent bill in the parliament spoke about a law where it was mandatory for children to take care of their aged parents. No doubt, a very commendable step by the government to make sure the senior citizens do not spend their twilight years at the mercy of their children. However, how much can a law instill those feelings of love and care in the children towards their parents, I wonder. Of course, it might force them to make sure that the senior citizens do not lack the bottom-most rung of the Need Pyramid of Maslow.
A son climbing up the corporate ladder may make sure that his parents have a roof over their heads, and two square meals a day. The higher-up corporates might even set them up in a separate apartment, so that ‘their lifestyles do not rub into each other”. They might make sure they have a daily maid so that the women-folk are done with the drudgery of the kitchen. So you have both of them, in an empty apartment, with all the amenities no doubt, but just sitting and staring at each other the whole day. If they are TV addicts, then to a certain extent their boredom is taken care of !
Can the government make a law however, where it is compulsory for the son and his wife to spend some time with these aged souls?
Can the government make sure the grandchildren are not on hello and bye terms with these grandparents, who are just kissed on the grandparents’ day, once a year?
Can the government make a law wherein it is mandatory for the family to have at least one meal together everyday where the meal is not so important, as the togetherness?
Can the government also make a law, wherein the extended family, and not only the progeny, are compulsorily made to provide succor for their parents? I think what is lacking today, more than the physical needs, are the emotional needs. This cannot be always filled in by just the sons and the daughters. Lifestyle has changed today. Senior citizens have reached this age, after living in a joint family, or at least having strong family ties. That is what they need. Today’s nuclear families and values leave them shaken. What is popularly known today as ‘extended’ families, need to contribute to provide emotional support to the senior generation. Not just the son, the daughter-in-law and the grandchildren. Of course, the moral responsibility is theirs, but can the others in the family be a little more affectionate towards them? And not wait till the person passes away and then show their ‘affection’ ?
I know of this senior gentleman, who was very independent by nature and by a stroke of luck, had to spend his last years in his son’s house, something that he never wanted to. So the son took up another flat in the same apartment, and provided him whatever spartan needs the gentleman had. He was very happy, and the family would have their meals together; the daughter-in-law would insist on that. He had become a recluse and none in the family understood his pain – his pain of one of his son leaving him, his brother not willing to have him even as a visitor for a few days, and in the end, his failing health, a last blow. Depression had set in, but the younger generation was too busy to recognize the signs. Nobody from the extended family visited him, as he had become just a part of their past, though they claimed they had tremendous respect and admiration for him! His withdrawal was put to aging; the daughter-in-law’s pleas to the family, to try and convince him to get medical check-ups done, to have him over for a change, proved futile. He won’t listen, they would say. And they could do nothing further.
The son and his wife watched helplessly as he slowly sunk into oblivion. They managed to save him from going blind just in the nick of time, after the daughter-in-law literally dragged him to the doctor.
After he finally decided to give up living , the recriminations came – and they came hard and fast. Judgments on how the son had failed the father, etc. etc. Are senior citizens only your father and mother? The other elders in the family, whom you claim you respect and admire, do not merit your time and attention? More so, when, as an extended family, you claim that you were very fond of this person. Not that it ever showed. They would fly in and out of the city, never once visiting this man. And when they did, it was too late. They could see the shell that was left of this man. Maybe it was this guilt, that they were not around sooner, that made them throw back brickbats at the son about the way the father was handled.
In such a situation, how does one expect a law to instill care and concern in children’s hearts? Senior citizens are the roots one survives on; and they are not only your parents, but also all the others who have made you what you are today. No government decree can make one understand this fact; this has to be felt from within. How many of us are willing to face truth?
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