The bride was ready by 4.30 a.m. we reached the marriage hall by 5.30 as the boy’s party was to reach before 6.00. As soon as they walked in, the father of the boy wanted to know when we would give them coffee. I told them it was on the way. As it had rained heavily the previous night, there was water logging and the cook was delayed. “We have not had coffee since morning” he grumbled as he walked off. The boy wanted to know if the hall has been rented since 5.30, why the AC had not been switched on.
The boy’s aunt wanted to know why the rice balls for the ceremony were not prepared earlier; apparently, they would keep them ready the previous night! Their pundit insisted on the girl’s mother washing the boy’s feet and wiping it only with a silk cloth!
The father of the boy wanted to have the sweets and savouries reached to his room; it was not enough that they were displayed on the stage. He wanted to know whether the pappad would be served after he finished eating….The women in their side would have to be provided flowers to bedeck their hair.
Do you have a safety pin – My daughter needs them…
Could we have some plastic bags to carry our clothes in?
Could you give us some hair pins? The women need them to put flowers on their hair…
I was amazed at how creative and demanding a boy’s family at a marriage turns out to be!! Mind you, this was an intercaste marriage and though the boy did not want to go about it the traditional way, the girl’s family had insisted on meeting the boy’s family and at least attempt sorting out the issues amicably. They succeeded in getting the boy’s family to agree to the alliance. But then after this, every step of the way, they did not let the girl’s family forget the fact that they were ‘one up’ on the girl’s family.
How do we expect the next generation to believe in the equality of the sexes, sharing of running household, respecting the girl child etc., when we have people who insist on hanging on to age-old beliefs of the boy’s family being the one to be looked after in a marriage, they are more important, and are the VIPs in the function? Why it is that marriage is solely the ‘responsibility’ of the girl’s family? Isn’t their also son getting married? Is it not a life event for their son too? The girl’s family is supposed to supply them with even the sweets and savories which they can distribute to their families! Till the last minute they kept changing the number of people who would be present at the reception and at the lunch, resulting in anxious moments for the girl’s parents.
Of course there are families where the boy and his family insist on sharing the responsibility and even the expenses of a wedding, but I think this is more an exception than the rule. I know of a gentleman, who insisted on footing the bill for the dinner at the wedding of his son. His explanation was simple: your daughter is getting married, so you are spending. But my son is also getting married! You cannot deny me the pleasure of spending at my own son’s wedding! That is class and culture for you. Not because he agreed to spend; but because he believed that marriage is a union of two families where one is not servile to the other. May his tribe increase !!!
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